How much I have changed in what feels like such a short time is unnecessary to explain

as I write this blog for myself

and hope that only the blind read my words

and cannot trace them back to me

I am closing in on 30

and with each day that passes find myself dissolving into something I always longed for

as a teenager I was so certain of myself

that certainty faded with bruises inflicted upon my ego

with lashes sliced into who I thought I was

yet truth never fades

it only burns brighter

I feared that committing to a trade would weaken me

would fog my senses

yet, my true self burns brighter with every day

that I work in a profession that tests me

I long to be heard by the world

have always longed to be heard in a capacity that was louder that my small voice had the decibels for the ears that could hear it

but the older I grow

the more my faith in purpose sets into the depths of each cell in my body

I am not me

how could I be?

when each breath suggests otherwise

I have no more thought for breath, than I do for any other bodily functions

yet I am

alive

and I am shown each day

what little consequence my thoughts or beliefs

have over those actions

I find myself shifting with the world

I once believed myself a tool

a set of hands not worthy of the craft I plied

yet here I am

making changes with every conversation

every look

every moment I open my heart too someone that thought themselves unworthy of love

there was a time I saw my gifts as a chore

the older I grow

the more I see them as

acknowledgement

to the world that is coming

It is inevitable that I will grow old

that my wisdom will become futile against the weapons and tide of emotions of the youth

yet everyday

I learn a little more

that I have never been wrong in my judgements

just misguided

and how that, in turn

is the gift I have for those that come after me.

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