Every so often I come up with a brilliant creative idea, I pretend to fully commit to it and then I invite a whole lot of chaos into my life and it falls by the wayside. It leads me to feel often that I am someone that just has a whole lot of brilliant creative ideas and nothing to show for it. Nothing consistent, I have all these fears about no-one taking my creative projects seriously when really it is only me that doesn’t.

My creative pursuits are like flowers, beautiful, until they wilt and then mysteriously they disappear and in it’s place an absence that I try to fill with more freshly cut flowers but they just die again.

I’ve been too lazy to plant some flowers, to water them, watch them grow and know that it’s going to take time until they flower.

You see what keeps happening is that I shift the purpose of my creative pursuits.

Always it starts out for me.

A platform.

Then suddenly it’s about entertaining others. I loose my integrity in the project and then I lose interest because I’m not doing it for the same reason I started.

It all becomes meaningless.

So this time, this blog is about me being authentic with myself in a place that I can’t control the outcome.

If I can really truly be authentic here, then maybe I can begin to become more authentic in my real life.

Maybe no-one will ever read it and maybe someone will.

I really need to start living my life genuinely and stop waiting for the world to jump up and say I accept you

I need to accept me