What a funny thing
identity is
who we are
who we believe we are
the illusion of self
of separateness
of individuality

I am aware that each human,
is a cell functioning as a part
of an enormous organism that is human consciousness.

I know that truly,
all we are doing when we love
when we hurt or destroy each other
is just holding little mirrors up to each others faces
for each other to see
a whole picture
and our joy and pain
are simply waves in an ocean
rising
disappearing
creating form
slipping back into the unknown

But there are times when a situation or
many situations as a pattern emerges
alerts us
that we are going in a direction
that is not for our highest good
and what we thought was one thing
was actually another thing
and not so healthy
for us to be a part of

And this concept perhaps
is what I have been grappling with
fighting what I thought was my ego
trying to beat myself into submission
to do what appeared to be the right thing
but actually not being able to control
the tumultuous reaction and emotion
that violently took over my body
and it took all my strength
to hold back a wolf salivating
ready to rip the throat out of someone in my life
that without me realising it
may have been causing more harm than good
again and again

and how interesting
that emotions that I thought
were something to be ashamed of
to hide
to attempt to diffuse
is a very part of my nature
and impossible to deny
and in fact
more true
to my very being
than the friendship
that I have been desperately trying
to glue back together
as it crumbled
on its own accord

Recently I have been deceived
I have been cuckold of integral parts of myself
and thrust myself into confusion
as I pretended that loving this person
was more important
than acknowledging
that they had stolen from me
and denied that they had taken
any thing from me at all

and this person has done this to me
for as long as I can remember
and always,
always I have beaten myself up
at how selfish I have been
that I couldn’t share
that I couldn’t be kinder
and accept that no idea is my own
and all ideas belong to a larger consciousness
that we are all apart of

and it used to be superficial
little pieces of my story
sucked up
and worn
like glittery hair weaves
parts of me that were special
but I could let them go
begrudgingly
as this person absorbed parts of me
and watched over and over
as the power of these pieces
flowed to this person
and I let them go
no longer mine

The first time this person
took a big chunk of my soul
and forgot it belonged to me
refused to recognise the significance
of the piece of me they took
I felt as if my very organs had been ripped out
and placed in a display in front of me
while an audience marvelled at the cleverness
of such an intriguing and beauteous artwork
but no one could see
the trail of blood
or
that they were my organs
and they came from my stomach
slashed and ripped open
by some one I believed loved me

I forgave them
because I knew that
they had no intention of hurting me
and I needed to stop being so childish
so I put my pain away
I told my inner child
that was so hurt
to stop being silly and grow up
and I attempted to move on
forgive
forget

but the thing about deep truths
is that they can never stay hidden for too long
and sooner or later
they will always surface
and if you are willing to face the pain and heal
you will know that your inner child
speaks truer than any other

and this last time
that this person took a piece of me
it was a sacred piece
and although the pain was blinding
I am grateful
that I was finally able to listen through the pain
to the message that my inner child had been trying to tell me
all along

and the pain and anger
has given me the strength to right the injustice
that has been done to me
and my wolf pack and I
will walk away
and never need to put trust
in someone that says they love you
and strip little pieces of your soul off
while your not looking
and wear them as a dress
for everyone else to admire

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